I have a story if you're interested...

[littlegoose]

I've been writing the first draft of a story and wanted to see if anyone on here was intrigued. It's not a hamster story (I'm sorry) so Idk if it's allowed... I'm kinda new here. Anyway, it has mentions of alcoholism and physical abuse so warnings for that. There's no cursing or anything above PG so it's pretty okay for all ages. It's a coming of age, van trip across the country, teenage story about a group of friends. I don't have much right now but if y'all like it I'd like to post once a week. I'm looking for kind constructive criticism and advice as I move forward. Hope you guys find it at least a little engaging.

[littlegoose]

Chapter One


Rachel dreaded walking home. Not the walk itself but what waited for her. Beer bottles and drunken yelling.
Maybe she could sneak in through the garage and make it to her room before he knew she was home. It was worth a shot.
As she made it to her street and she slowed down. An old van was parked across from her house. "Of course it's on the last day of school I get kidnapped." she thought bitterly. Rachel kept an eye on the suspicious vehicle as she walked up her driveway. When she reached the porch, the van doors flew open and three people came barreling at her. She screamed and tried to run but they tackled her to the ground. "Please!" she begged them frantically. "Don't hurt me!" She tried to scramble away from them but a familiar laugh stopped her.
"We aren't gonna hurt you, Rach!" Ernie chuckled.
She looked up to see three of her best friends grinning down at her. "Surprise!" They yelled. Natalie reached out a hand and helped Rachel off the grass. "We're sorry we spooked you. It was Judah's idea." Judah made a noise of protest but Rachel shook her head with a smile. "It's okay. I just wasn't expecting this." She looked back towards the van to see Mercy and Leo heading over to them to see what happened. "Why are you all here? Why is there a creepy van involved?"
"We planned something special for you this summer." mumbled Judah. Mercy reached over to give Rachel a tight hug. "Are you surprised?!" "Um, I'm a little confused if I'm being honest." A couple of them laughed. "Sorry, honey." Mercy giggled. "We'll explain everything." The group slung their arms over one another and walked to the Dupont house.

Sprawled over the old rocking chairs or sitting on the railings, the teenagers explained their plan.
"We've already talked with your dad and our parents so money is all taken care of, so don't worry about that." Mercy assured her. Ernie hung upside down on the railing with a huge smile plastered on his face. "And we know you didn't have any plans for your birthday or summer vacation so- "
"We planned a summer long van trip with all six of us!!" jumped in Natalie. Rachel blinked at them for a moment. A summer long trip. In a van. With her best friends. Away from her dad. "Are you serious?"
"Yep." confirmed Judah. Leo ran a hand through his dark curls as he tried to balance on the rocking chair. "All the way from your house to the Golden Gate Bridge and back!" His hand flew out and smacked Judah in the face. "Oops, sorry man." Mercy grabbed Leo's pant leg and pulled him to the floor. "Sit down, dummy."
"Yes ma'am."
Judah pointed to the van. "My dad bought me that van for me to work on and i finally got it running smoothly-"
"It's very safe." interrupted Mercy.
"Yeah, anyway, I fixed it up and put in seatbelts and everything, so I thought it'd be nice for a road trip." He had a proud twinkle in his eye as he talked about his suspicious van. Rachel tried to fight back the tears that came to her eyes. "Wow, I mean, thank you. Thank you for planning all of this." There was a round of "you're welcomes" and "it'll be funs" but none of them could truly know what their gesture meant to her."When do we leave?" Rachel asked. Another round of cheers. "We leave today!" Bellowed Ernie. "WHAT?!" Leaving today?! How could they do that? It was already five o'clock and she hadn't packed! Mercy laughed. "Nat and I are gonna help you pack. We'll be done in an hour."
"But what's the rush? Why not leave tomorrow morning?"
Crash!!
"Rachel! Where are you, you rat?!"
"Oh. Right. They're scared I won't make it to tomorrow." Rachel thought. Her dad burst through the creaky screen door, nearly stepping on Judah and Leo. "What the he-"
"Dad! Do you need something?" He turned to glare at her. Jacob Dupont hated having company. He couldn't say or do anything abusive when there was company. "No, sweetheart. I just need your help in the kitchen with something." Rachel and the others stood up and followed him into the house. "You don't have to bring your body guards." Jacob eyed the boys suspiciously. "I ain't gonna hurt my very own daughter." Rachel resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "They just want to wait in the kitchen while the girls help me pack." Jacob scowled at her. "Can't they wait on the porch?" Judah was the one to answer. "With all do respect, sir," he spat out the last word bitterly. "I don't let my girlfriend be alone in a strangers house without me if I can help it." Mercy gave his hand a supportive squeeze. "And Natalie is my favorite cousin. None of us know you well enough to leave them alone in your house." Added Ernie. Jacob looked furious to be questioned. But he kept his cool, turned to Leo, and asked, "Well, why are you here, boy?" Leo shrugged, "Moral support." He knew better then to say, "to protect your daughter from you and your drinking problem." That would surely send Jacob over the edge. They just wanted to get Rachel's stuff and start driving. "Well, get moving then. I want you kids out of my hair by the time the football game is on." The girls headed up stairs to Rachel's room and the boys sat down a the kitchen table.
Jacob opened the fridge. "Anyone want a beer?" "Sure, why not." Joked Ernie. Jacob grabbed two beers and set one in front of the sixteen year old. He popped the lid off and pushed it towards him. "Uhh, I was only joking sir." The man picked the beer up off the table and downed it in one go. "Don't." He growled. Ernie blinked at him nervously. "Yes, sir." Gosh, he hated this man.

Upstairs Mercy started opening Rachel's dresser drawers. "We have a few ideas for the trip but nothing totally concrete…"
Natalie pulled an arm load of spring dresses from the closet. "So we're packing everything." she dumped it all into the suitcase open on the bed. Rachel pulled out a pair of sandals, a pair of sneakers, and a pair of Mary Janes. "I'm guessing it'll be hot."she said. Mercy emptied the suitcase with a sigh. "Probably, we should pack for rain and wind too though. Just in case." Natalie sorted through the dresses and matched them with thin sweaters. "Light layers, got it." She stacked the ones she deemed wearable. "Wow, you own a lot of dresses."
"I have skirts too." The girls shared a laugh and Rachel felt the stress of the day melt from her shoulders.
Natalie pulled out her phone.
"Oh gosh."Mercy groaned. "Don't play Taylor Swift. I beg of you, please." Natalie stared her down and hit play. "We were both young when I first saw you!" bellowed Natalie and Rachel as off key as they could. "For goodness sakes!" They sang along as they packed and danced and twirled each other. Mercy and Rachel joined hands and started to spin as Natalie jumped on the bed and screamed into her hair brush microphone. "ROMEO TAKE ME SOmewhere wE CAN BE aLoNe!" Rachel lost hold of Mercy's hand and went flying backward into her dresser. It rocked back and forth on its feet and she had to dodge as it came crashing to the floor with a wood splintering BANG.
"RACHEL!"

The boys heard the crash and ran for the bedroom. Jacob stormed up the stairs behind them, yelling his daughter's name. Judah ran right to Mercy, pulling her into a hug. "I'm fine Jay." she insisted. Ernie and Leo surveyed the damage. One of the drawers was in splintered pieces but the dresser itself seemed to be intact. Rachel tried desperately to lift it back up. "Ernie, help me." she begged. Ernie helped her hoist it back to a standing position as Leo tried to head off her dad.
"Let me PAST, BOY." He snarled. Leo shook his head and stepped side to side to stop him entering the room. "Not until you calm down." Jacob brought his face mere inches from Leo, their noses almost touching. "I. AM. CALM." Leo still refused to move. Jacob reached out and shoved the boy into the room. Leo crashed into the wall and scrambled to get between Rachel and Jacob. Jacob got there first. With a yelp, Rachel tried to get out of his reach but he caught her by the arm. "What did you do?!" He shook her hard. "Did you break it, you ungrateful little-" Tears rolled down Rachel's face as she tried her best to twist out of his grip. "Pl-please…"
"Hey!" Jacob looked around and Leo punched him hard right in the nose. Jacob stumbled back disoriented and Ernie and Judah grabbed him by the arms and forced him out the door. Natalie slammed it closed and made sure to lock it.

[HoneyBagerr]

I'm interested to read more!

[littlegoose]

Awesome feel free to be honest about what you think and any plot holes or repetitive words/phrases your notice

[Willow2022]

I love it so far! Can't wait to read more! The punctuation is really really good to.

[littlegoose]

Thank you! I will being posting a new chapter every Friday if I can

[littlegoose]

I'm sorry to do this on my first weekly post but I won't be able to post chapter 2 till Sunday. My device is old and didn't save my last writing session when it crashed and I wasn't able to recover it. I hope y'all understand and will enjoy chapter 2 when I am able to post it. Have a good weekend<3

[littlegoose]

Again, sorry its late. Hope you enjoy chapter 2

Chapter Two

No moved. Not for a minute or the next. They listened to the pounding on the door, the yelling, the smashing of bottles and thudding of Jacob moving downstairs. Finally, they heard the TV turned up to full blast.

Natalie strode over to Rachel and enveloped her in a hug. Rachel broke down sobbing.
"I-I am *so* sorry!"
"It's not your fault, Rach." cooed Mercy as she stroked the girl's hair. Judah opened the window and stuck his head out. "I think we can get out this way. Ernie, go hop down there and start the van." He tossed Ernie the keys and he took off with a salute. The girls finished Rachel's packing as she hiccupped and took deep breaths, Leo letting her squeeze his hand until it lost feeling. When all her bags were packed the boys relayed them out the window, across the low roof, and down to the van. Next came the girls. Judah led them along the roof and showed them how to slide off and land safely on the ground. "Just remember to bend your knees when you land and don't think too hard about it." Mercy backed up a couple steps and nudged Natalie forward. "Why don't you go first, miss dare devil."
"Fine, ya coward." She completely ignored Judah's advice and jumped straight to the ground. Her legs wobbled like Jello and Ernie busted out cackling. "Shut up." She sneered. Mercy and Rachel were more careful.
Ernie gave Leo a boost onto the roof so he could strap her luggage in with the rest. Judah hissed at them to keep it down and for gosh sakes use the ladder! Rachel took one last look at her house, her heart feeling lighter ever step farther away she got. "Bye, Dad. Take care of yourself." She muttered under her breath.
"C'mon, Rach! It's your turn first for shotgun ."

Everyone settled in and they took off. Judah drove cautiously but confidently and the others spoke in low voices in the back. Rachel could only assume they were talking about her. She didn't blame them. After everything that went down at her house this afternoon, she'd have something to say too. She just hoped some part of it was positive. She could feel Judah's eyes darting in her direction every few minutes, trying to read her thoughts. He probably didn't want her to break down again. Gosh, she hated to cry. Her arm throbbed, a bruise starting to form. Red marks from her dad's fingertips still glowed in the golden hour light. Leaning back, she released a loud sigh and the soft chatter behind her stopped.
"You feeling okay, Rach?" Natalie inquired, trying just a little too hard at sounding natural. "It's been a hard day."
"Yeah," threw in Ernie, "if you just want to nap we promise not to laugh if you snore." Mercy who sat across the aisle from him, leaned over and smacked the back of his head.
"Hey!"
"Oh, shush."
Rachel felt a small smile break across her face.
"I'm okay right now. Just glad I'm here with you all." Judah reached over and ruffled her hair lightly. "We're glad you could come."
"LeO's PhOnE cOnNeCtEd." Chirped the stereo. Riptide by Vance Joy started playing. Rachel whipped around to look at him right behind her, her smile growing with each line. It was her favorite song. Her friends knew her so well. She really didn't deserve them. Leo returned her smile and started humming along. This was going to be a great summer.

[HoneyBagerr]

Awww I love their friendship!!! It solo cuteeee!!!!

[littlegoose]

With school and life in general getting really busy I feel bad that I haven't posted a new chapter. The one I'm working on isn't quite ready so I have a couple sketches of the characters for you in the mean time. I am not much of an artist but I always like seeing concept art so....

Disclaimer: Leo's curly hair was a mid writing session decision so his hair is different in the sketch.

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